Back at work.


I ended up actually taking the day off yesterday because I seemed to have a little emotional and anxiety flare-up that I wasn’t expecting. I suppose it’s only normal. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of change and excitement – graduating, the parents and inlaws meeting, Wes being here, changes at work. Now my mind/body are starting to catch up.

I guess you could say I don’t handle change well. Sure I can kind of go with the flow as it’s happening, but then I get sort of gripped by fear and uncertainty later on. I don’t know how to explain it except that for a few days, even minor tasks seem insurmountable.

The frustrating part is that I know that things will be better soon. Sometime next week I will be wondering why the simplest things threw me into full scale panic attacks and why eating seemed to be such a chore and why nights seemed interminably long and lonely. I really do know that it will be ok and that I’ll probably have months of clear sailing ahead. But then every so often, something will throw me for a loop and I’ll take a few steps backwards. I’ll be anxious and worried and fearful that I will never be “normal”. That these episodes, however brief, will be with me forever.

So please forgive me if I’m absent for a day or two. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel (and I know it’s not the oncoming train) but my thoughts are scattered and I’m keeping to myself for a bit.

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